What to tell
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What shall we tell the children?
This is a problem that crops up periodically and I was asked to enlist the collective wisdom of the uk.rec.naturist newsgroup. My thanks to the 10 people who responded.
The Question
A mum and/or dad are becoming naturists and they intend to take the kids (of a variety of ages) to a swim.a) What should they tell the kids before going?
b) Discretion about who you tell about naturism is sometimes advisable. How do they instill this into the kids without giving the wrong impression?
Read: The Nudist Replies
It is difficult to give general advice without knowing the family concerned - everyone is different, but I will try anyway. A lot depends on the background of the family. Any past naturist experience is likely to help. e.g. foreign holidays, nudity around the house.As children get older they become more autonomous and this should be reflected in the approach taken. Children do mature at different rates so parents will need to make a judgement where their children are on the range of ages discussed below.
This table attempts to be a brief summary. A lot of children won't fit neatly into any one category.
| Before the swim | At the swim | Discretion | Friends | |
| Preschool and infants | There is no need to say anything. They will think nothing of it. | Costumes optional is advised for children. Any pressure is likely to be counter productive. They usually dispense with costumes pretty quickly. However, trainer pants are recommended for very small children. | It won't even occur to them that there is anything worthy of comment. | |
| Primary age children | Some prior discussion is called for so that it isn't all a complete surprise to them. | Children have a remarkably good sense of discretion. If something must be said then "Not everyone agrees with going without a costume and may be upset if you tell them." or words to that effect should suffice. | "If you don't want to tell your friends, then I certainly won't." | |
| Secondary age children | They may have strong views of their own so adequate forewarning is essential and attendance should be optional. | Teenagers are unlikely to tell anyone anything. See advice above for primary age children. |
Generally, far fewer people are against naturism than most people realise. They may not fancy it themselves, but they have no problem with other people doing it. Some people are even rather envious because they wish that they had the courage to try it.
What to tell them before going
They should be told
something before going. How much, and when, depends on the maturity of
the child. Most parents have good gut responses to the level of
consultation appropriate to various situations. In respect of naturism,
there will be "in the family" attitudes to nudity to take into account.
Things like whether any or all
nudist family members bath/shower with the door
locked, for example. Just as children happily use different
vocabularies with their peers and with their parents (and yet another
one with teachers, etc), they seem to have no problem presenting
different attitudes in different situations (hey, adults do it all the
time - where do you think they learned to do it?). So while they might
feel peer pressure to regard social nudity as "rude", "naughty", "sexy"
or "gross" (depending on who is nude in front of whom), and would
happily echo such attitudes, they may also happily enjoy family
naturism in the back garden, or have a great time at a naturist resort.
Young children, say those under 5 or 6 years old, can just be taken. For young, easy-going kids a simple "right, we're off to the swimming pool now" could well be all that's required.
We did not bother telling the kids , they were used to us and them being nude around the house and seemed to accept others doing the same. (they told nearly everyone, you can not stop that). Our kids were quite young, I suppose if they were older you would have to explain, maybe the easiest way to introduce them to naturism is to go to swims first as it is more natural (to them) to undress to swim, but less so to socialise nude. Make sure where you are going has other children as this will help a lot.
Primary age children should have it explained to them before going that people will not be wearing swim suits and they will not need to wear one either. Any initial reticence about going will disappear very quickly once they start to have fun.
For adolescents, broach the outing in advance, making it clear that the swim is naturist, and that there will be no obligation on the child to go or to be nude if they do go.
It is advisable to check whether the venue is nudity compulsory as it is best to give children the choice. I have been told that this is the CCBN Child Protection recommendation. Some of the contributors advised avoiding child nudity compulsory venues because of the child protection implications. The under fives couldn't care less what they are, or are not, wearing.
Putting pressure on children to remove costumes is likely to be counter productive. If no big deal is made about it, they do normally dispense with them in their own time.
One respondent felt that children should always be fully consulted and given the choice, but others felt that they should do as their parents decided.
I coaxed a friend into going. We discussed it one morning, her 8-9 y/o daughter was with us at the time. The daughter didn't want to go because of the nudity. That evening, we all went. The daughter was in tears. The daughter gladly went again and again and again - and got her elder sister to go too.However, many consider that to be a high risk strategy.So, would it have been right to let her back out ?
Obviously, there shouldn't be pressure. If it's clear that a child doesn't want to go, or wouldn't be happy, then it's totally pointless dragging them along. OK, so they just might "love it when they got there", but most kids like to prove that their presumptions were the right ones. "I told you this museum would be Bore-RING!" As regards naturism, in my opinion a key factor in making it OK for kids of particular ages/attitudes to come along is to make it clear that costumes are optional (actually seems to be desirable for adults - eg the success of the MADNAT taster sessions and ladies-only pre-sessions). Unless the kids are confirmed naturists themselves, even if they've experienced beach/holiday naturism they may feel uncomfortable at the idea of going to a local swimming pool without a costume. So any swim with an absolute no cozzies policy should be avoided.Peer and sibling influences can be funny things:
Kids are funny concerning choice. We have a family at MADNAT, two girls (one of his and one of hers) and a baby (one of theirs). One of the girls will invariably wear her costume if her step-sister is present and invariably be naked if her step-sister is not there.
What the kids think
Young children couldn't care less, so long as they have a good time! View Nudist PicturesPrimary and teenage children become more concerned about what their peers may think as they get older. Explaining about confidentiality at this point will both help to reassure them, and also help to make them aware of the need for discretion. It can be pointed out that it is up to them as to what they tell their friends, because nobody else will. The presence of other kids at the swim in their own age group becomes increasingly important to them, and will also help to reassure them.
The following is the normal reaction from primary age children, although some will want to wear a costume, at least to begin with.
... well I don't have children, so it has never been a problem, however we are god-parents to two children and they have at times stayed with us. One of the weekends we were going to a local swim, and asked the parents if they had any problem of us taking the children along. Both parents had shown some interest in naturism, but had never gone any further because he was concerned about 'his reaction' in a naturist environment. We just told the kids, 8 and 10, that we were going swimming in the evening, but where we swam no-one wore a costume. They did ask if they could keep theirs on, and we said we would ask. When we got there we went into the changing room and stripped off and said to the kids, 'come on, get undressed', no mention about wearing their costumes they stripped off and were soon playing with the other kids. At the end they asked if they could do it again.
Children and Discretion
Older children know the difference, but are not keen to tell anyone who won't understand, for their own reasons. Younger children probably won't even realise there is anything special to report! However, there is no absolute certainty about this, especially if there are problems between members of the family, particularly between teenagers and parents.One respondent wrote:
Again, the least said the better. In conversation with parents it never ceases to amaze me how quick children appear to be in developing a sixth sense in this matter. You see the same with bi-lingual kids, they always get it right when it comes to speaking the appropriate language when in company and they never mix languages.and another commented:Peer pressure and "Street Cred" are of course complicating factors but they usually result in kids going erring on the side of discretion rather than the other way round. Bear in mind too that "tan-lines" often loom large on their horizons. How can you show off a sun tan if you haven't got some white bits in contrast.
... in my opinion there's absolutely no need to worry about this one. Which doesn't stop people worrying, but may give some reassurance.OK, so kids can really enjoy putting a parent on the spot with an embarrassing remark during a visit to doting grandparents, and regarding at least some aspects of parental attitudes and activities as appalling when chatting to one's mates is essential. But children seem to develop extremely acute sensitivities about what they can/can't should/shouldn't say in various situations. If social nudity is frowned on by their peers, they will probably frown on it to those peers - whether they enjoy it for themselves or not.
A member of the Naturist Foundation wrote:
Most of the kids at the Naturist Foundation over about 8 yo have been told that there are places where it's best not to mention the club, or just to mention that we have caravans there. AFAIK they were simply told that "not everybody agrees with naturism, so we don't tell everyone."
Of course, for the "avoid embarrassment" factor to work, the parent must play their part too, and not chatter happily to a child's friends (etc) about things the child doesn't want those folk to know.
Several years ago, Channel 4 broadcast a shortish play called "The Spy Who Caught A Cold", about a young girl going on a naturist holiday with her Mum. Both had a good time. Over the closing credits, the youngster is chatting with a friend about the holiday, and being emphatic that she certainly hadn't been nude. Which, of course, she had. It rang very true.
And another contribution was:
I know of a family who have two daughters who always used to come to our Tuesday swim. They also went to many of the other local venues such as Doncaster Dome, the youngest one (about 12) did seem to tag along with me, and I did have some misgivings about what her parents might think, however they had no problems, and I think sometimes were happy to have someone else 'child sitting' especially in the water race part of the Dome, where this girl was not allowed without adult supervision.One time, about a week or so after a Dome evening she told me she had had to draw a picture of what she had done at the weekend. She had chosen to draw a picture of us showering at the end of the evening, but she did say, 'I put swimming costumes on all of us'. She was fully aware that her lifestyle might not be understood by others at school, and just altered details slightly so as not to give herself problems with her peers.
Legal DVD Videos
Children's Friends
It's possible that a child who enjoys family
naturism, including swim sessions, might suggest that a friend comes
along. At that point it may be necessary to talk about the fact that
some people think naturism isn't a Good Thing at all, and that the
friend and/or the friend's parents might be such people. It's probably
best to follow your instincts on that.
I have heard of one instance of this happening with older primary children. The friends didn't go to the swim, but the naturist children were perceived as being braver than them.
CCBN child protection guidelines also suggest that great care is needed (ideally written permission) if the child is not with parents/grandparents/guardian.
Public Attitudes
For the majority of the population, the attitude to naturism is something like "wouldn't want to do it myself, but don't see why other people shouldn't do it if that's what they feel like". While that attitude may change somewhat when it turns out that these hypothetical nuddies are one's grandchildren or the best friends of one's children, I think the number of people who regard social nudity as Wrong is small and getting smaller. Unfortunately, that minority tends to be very vocal.
Family Experiences
I have reproduced some of the responses in full.- family1. Naturist family with a boy aged 9.
- family2. New to naturism with two daughters then aged 7 and 11.
- family3. New to naturism with a boy aged 5 and a girl aged 7.
And finally ...
This was seen in a Readers Digest in the dentist's waiting room ...
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up stark naked and waved. As I was reeling from the shock, my five-year-old shouted from the back seat, "Mum! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"
But the last word must go to
A quotation by a 12 year old girl with Cerebral Palsy concerning a naturist swim ..."I like it here. When I go to the other swimming pools they all look at my legs. When I come here they look at me."She also said that she liked being without swim-wear because then
"You don't have to keep pulling it out from the crease of your bum!"
What if I get an erection?
This is the most common concern among men. However, we do not know of anyone who actually had an erection on the first visit. The combination of the non-sexual environment and the unfamiliarity of a first-time visit serves to minimize the issue.
An erection is a natural part of life. Naturists realize this and will not take offence as long as it is not being flaunted. If an erection does occur, a strategically placed towel, a dip in a cool pool, or rolling over on your stomach will take care of it.
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What do I do if I am menstruating?
Generally, women do the same thing in the naturist world as they do in the clothed world. Many use a tampon. If they prefer, they wear shorts or bikini bottoms.
Menstruation is a normal part of being a woman and one which naturists understand.
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I don't have a good body, I don't want others to see me nude.
The concept of the perfect body is a myth. We believe that the stress caused by the unrealistic expectations of society is very damaging. Naturists practice body acceptance. When you visit a naturist environment, you will find all types of bodies. All shapes, sizes, ages, colours&emdash;many of them with the signs of a full life.
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Isn't it dangerous to expose myself to so much sun?
The removal of a skimpy bathing suit does little to increase your exposure to the sun, but people exposed to the sun should be careful when they enjoy the outdoors.
Some evidence is suggesting that moderate sun exposure is good for you. For more details, click here.
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Won't nudity take away intimacy with my partner and desensitize us to sexuality?
Sexuality is in the mind. It is an artificial form of sexuality that causes a person to be aroused merely by seeing a body part which one does not normally see. Attraction does not depend on whether people are nude or not. In fact, you will probably find them more attractive if they are wearing suggestive clothing.
We believe that naturists have healthier sexuality, since they are more comfortable with themselves and their bodies. Naturists can enjoy the sexual act with their partner without feeling self-conscious about their nudity.
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Children in naturism?
Is naturism good for children?
Anyone who has observed children knows that they are enthusiastic naturists. We have never seen young children who are self-conscious when nude. In fact, you may observe them squeal with delight when they are allowed to run around nude. It is only in their later years that they are pressured into being self-conscious and adopt older people's phobias about the body.
We believe that it is healthier for children to grow up comfortable with their own bodies. We don't think there is any advantage in teaching them to be ashamed and embarrassed by certain parts of their bodies.
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Is naturism safe for children?
It is clear that being dressed has not kept children safe. The best thing we can do is teach our children the confidence to speak up when people do things which make them uncomfortable. If they are not ashamed of their bodies, they are much more likely to tell their parents when someone does things to them that they don't like. Whether nude or clothed, children should know that being touched in certain ways is wrong.
Although good parenting is by far the most important factor in raising children, naturism helps to promote their confidence and understanding about their bodies.
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Don't children get confused as to when and where they can be nude?
Everyone has to teach children when and where it is acceptable to be nude. Naturists simply have more places where it is acceptable. Unlike non-naturists, we don't teach our children that nudity is wrong. We teach them that some people aren't comfortable with nudity and that sometimes we need to dress for practical reasons (e.g. weather).
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